Finding Out I Have Breast Cancer

WARNING: there's going to be a lot of talk of breasts, boobies, tatas, hooters, or whatever you want to call them. If you're uncomfortable with that, the end result is that I have breast cancer. If you're up to hearing the longer story, here we go.

I first noticed some small lumps on one of my breasts last June or July when I was pregnant. I'd mentioned it to my ob/gyn doctor and he thought it appeared to be blocked milk ducts. When Matias was born in August, I had some issues breastfeeding off that same side and had help learning to breastfeed from nurses. My GP ordered an ultrasound (which didn't show anything specifically). I was followed up by seeing a doctor who specializes in breastfeeding. I was just not producing enough breast milk on the one side to make it worth the effort of breastfeeding, so I stopped feeding him on that side entirely. I had some thoughts or questions about my breast during the months that followed but there were so many changes that were going on in my life as a new mom and my boy was my priority.

In January, Matias had his immunizations and in talking with the public health nurse, I asked her about when my breast would go back to its prepregnancy shape and described a little of my story. At the end of our conversation she pulled a lactation consultant into the room and both agreed that I should have it looked at again by my GP. A few days later they even had gotten a name of a person to refer me to at the Breast Health Clinic.

So back to the doctor I went and another ultrasound was ordered. We chose to go a different imaging place than suggested as we thought it would be quicker to get the results and it could be more easily compared to my first ultrasound. 

A back injury caused me to have to rebook my ultrasound for two weeks later. Two days after my ultrasound I got the results which were inconclusive but suggested I receive follow-up and possibly a mammogram or biopsies. My doctor referred me to the Breast Health Clinic.

The public health nurse (who had very conscientiously followed up with me three times since I had seen her in mid-January) had given me a name and number at the clinic and so I cautiously decided to try to call this name on a Friday at 3pm. I was pleasantly surprised when the name on the paper was actually a concerned nurse who had received my name but no contact info and had been worried about me for the last month. Against the already booked schedule she fit me in at the earliest appointment time on the first day back to work after the long weekend.

So Tuesday morning I went to have a breast exam. I saw the doctor about 9:20ish. She had read about my family history of breast and ovarian cancer from my chart but within minutes of her physical exam she called in a team of other people to start organizing tests and procedures. I called Xhevat at home and asked him to join me.

Due to a no show, an MRI slot opened and I was whisked away into the noisy machine by 10:00. Although nothing was said, I could tell the results were not good by the faces of the nurse and radiologist. I was taken to the quiet room (never a good sign) to be told that I had something suspicious looking on my breast, lymph, and liver that would require biopsies.

Minutes later I was being taken into the ultrasound room. I saw my concerned husband in the hallway with my little boy and could only say that I'd had an MRI, things didn't look good, and that I was needing more tests. The rest of my day included ultrasound guided biopsies of the three sites, bloodwork, xrays, and ended with a CT.

I returned home a crushed, tender woman who understood that I was waiting for my official diagnosis of breast cancer that had spread to other parts of my body. I took that time to mourn and grieve because I knew that once I started treatment I had to focus on fighting. During the waiting Xhevat and I clung to each other, our precious son, and our faithful God.  Many tears were shed.

Late on the morning of Valentine's Day (only two days after my initial tests), the pathology results came back that I indeed did have breast cancer. Thanks to an amazing nurse who had walked me through my day of tests, she had prebooked me an appointment with an oncologist only hours later.  Due to another miracle, my sister happened to be in the area and we asked her to join us at the appointment. This was the first time we had left Matias alone and we were blessed to have my brother-in-law, nieces and nephew as his first babysitters.

At the appointment, my oncologist got more of my history, examined me and broke the news as gently as anyone could. I have invasive metastatic breast cancer which has spread to my lymph nodes, liver, ovaries, spine and pelvis.

When asked if I had symptoms, I acknowledged that I was tired, had breast changes, lost weight in the last six months and had back pain. Each had a reasonable explanation which all involved being a new mom and previous back injuries. I had a decent number of people examine my breast over a period of a few months and they didn't feel it was concerning. I say this so as not to assign blame to myself or others but to acknowledge that my symptoms were masked by being a new mom.  Xhevat and I have had six precious months to fully enjoy our little boy and our new role as parents.

I shared my diagnosis with family and friends on Valentine's Day and felt more supported and loved than I had ever felt on any other Valentine's Day. This was a very special gift that I received on a difficult day.  The love, peace and faithfulness of our God has remained very present in our lives in these tender moments.  We do not know how this story will end but we are trusting God with my future.