Gwampa

Grandpa was allowed to come home for a few hours on a day pass today from the hospital. It's been more than two weeks since grandpa and Matias have seen each other.

Matias was just waking up from his nap. Sometimes previously when Matias would wake up in the mornings grandpa would stick his fingers under the door & wiggle them and Matias would giggle and touch his hand.

Today when grandpa did that Matias said, "Dadda." A couple seconds later there was an awed gasp from behind the door and an amazed voice that said, "Gwampa!"

It was so good for me to simply see my dad, enjoy his company for a few hours, and see grandpa and Matias together.

Food art from Sept, 2014 - they have a special relationship.

A Post From Dad & Me

It looked like things were going well postoperatively for dad. He could swallow again which was a welcome outcome. Unfortunately something changed overnight on Monday and he's back not being able to swallow.

This is scary for me. I'm used to my dad being the strong, healthy one. I'm used to him taking care of me -- driving me to appointments, giving me additional support & wisdom, coming into my "bedroom" many times a day asking me how I'm doing, making me coffee. I haven't seen him for over a week (because he's in the hospital and of germs) and I miss him a lot.

We still don't have a diagnosis and that is difficult as well too. So until work) then he will remain in hospital and I at home and will continue to pray.

No one like to see their dad weak.

DAD SAYS: 

23 pokes (IV or blood)

4 X-rays

1 CT

4-5 cameras up nose

1 under anaesthetic - examined epiglottis, vocal cords, etc; took two laser biopsies

8 approx. specialists seen (approx. 4 ENTs, 1 speech therapist, 2 infectious specialists)

All biopsies, bloodwork, etc. are within normal except for a bacterial infection in my throat which has caused me to stop swallowing including my own saliva. If things do not improve this weekend, they will insert a food tube directly into my stomach.

Pray for healing so that I don't need this procedure.

Must celebrate birthdays with a balloon & tiara

NPO: nothing by mouth

This has been yet another exceptionally busy and difficult week for us. I'll get to the point. Dad started to choke on food at Easter. He was admitted to ER. He was was discharged from ER Tuesday afternoon but had more problems and had to be readmitted that night. He was unable to swallow any saliva, water or fluids and has had a feeding tube put down his nose to give him some nutrition.

Life is complicated.

So dad is in the hospital. Today is his birthday. He can't eat or drink anything. And he is needing to have a procedure/surgery done which will require sedation -- not exactly the ideal birthday. The docs aren't sure of a diagnosis but at this point apparently it's something bacterial so dad and I can't see each other. We are much more sympathetic to each others' journeys these days.

Please pray for our family as we are carrying another heavy load.

Family dinner together this past Christmas

Manure

This has been yet another exceptionally busy day for us. I'll get to the point. Dad, who infrequently sees need for a doctor, ended up in the hospital for a night with choking and having difficulty swallowing. The problem was caught early thankfully and he is "home" now being treated.

Nicole & Aubree came on Monday. We had musical caregivers at one point as a friend was caring for me & Matias, Nicole was driving from Kelowna, Xhevat was driving mom to see dad and dad was in ER. I had my regular four or five appointments and Easter Monday only complicated plans as many things were closed or excessively busy. And then there was bloodwork and chemo today. Dad got to experience part of my world as he got EIGHT pokes for bloodwork and IVs plus extra needles during his stay (I've never had that many in one day -- way to go dad!).

I might get in trouble for over sharing but I (and we) are getting overwhelmed by the little things and we're trying to hold it all together for each other. It is working sometimes. We need prayer obviously for maintaining our sanity and for dad to regain his health but we have other needs as well. My sister and her family may need help with rides or meals. Depending on how dad is doing, we may need some help with Matias. Xhevat has taken some days off to help us all (as he's doing much of everything in our daily lives). It's difficult to ask for help for me as bathing and lifting to and from the toilet is not something I feel comfortable asking of friends (hence one of the reasons Xhevat is off work and I'm receiving the assistance of palliative homecare). Rides are even difficult to ask for as I need assistance getting into and out of vehicles.

Life is complicated.

Our home is close to some agricultural fields and today was a day when they were spreading manure. When we got back from chemo it was certainly smelling like manure. This has definitely been a manure-y day.

Life has been more complicated. At least I get to park a little closer.

Waiting

A year ago on the day between Good Friday and Easter, I was waiting and hoping and trying to get information. I had just been told my cancer had gone into my brain but I was still quite hopeful that treatment could be done on the two lesions they'd found. Later I'd find out that there were nine lesions in worse places than were anticipated which would require more serious treatment.

Today on the day in between I am also waiting but in a different way. I've doubled the average life expectancy of my diagnosis, have had a few more seizures and am not doing as well as last year. It may not be the answer I was looking for but I thank God for the time I've been given.

Really and truly I'm waiting for death (not knowing exactly what that means) but trying to live life fully from my bed at home. It's hard to not let things stress me with all things going on. Things that stress me can cause me seizures and pain. It's hard to allow the pain to force me to take more medication.

But I will wait... for Sunday. And when Jesus says it's time (and I don't know when that will be), I want to be waiting at the tomb with expectation.

Waiting & Expecting