Living Gifts

Over the past couple of month especially, you have been exceptionally generous with meals, cards & messages, visits, gifts, prayers and much, much more. We have been blessed not because of the objects we've received but because of your hearts of generosity, love, and encouragement. It's because of your character demonstrated in our lives.

It doesn't matter who you are... friend, family, stranger, co-worker, neighbour, church family, married to me... I'm thankful to God for you. 

Please know that if I haven't seen you when you've come or I've cancelled, it's me.

Thank you for being who you are and for being a blessing to me. You've given my heart life.

Some living gifts... lobsters!

Days Lost

Around the time of my seizures I've recently learned that I lost days of my memories. I was "awake" for parts of them and making sense. I posted a blog entry and was interactive with others. Some moments I can recall -- like saying "don't call 911" but there are also times like travelling back from Florida that I remember nothing (sorry Jim... you're forgettable).

My brain just isn't what it once was.

At first I thought it was just minutes or hours, and then after asking questions I realized it was days. It's scary realizing that you've been active but have no recollection of anything.

Just another day in my life.

Spending more time in bed

Bad Days & A Better One

I feel like I'm a remnant of what I once was. I've been torn and reduced to lesser portions of me. I'm weak, needing to rely on others for the basics of life and being unstable medically. Emotionally I'm fragile and lacking motivation to do anything and everything except for eating a lot and still not gaining weight. I've learned there are hours and possibly days I have little to no memory of around my seizures. It's disturbing.

Having said that my family thinks I'm stronger this week than last. I have been trying to find my motivation, purpose and feist (which if you know me is not something I'm usually needing to find). I'm trying to regulate my pain medication and accept the advice I usually gave to others (it's ok/better to take pain meds when needed; don't just tough it out and think you'll be better for it).

I'm reliving life as a child and learning something new. With family, I'll be baking a friend's wedding cake and learning how to make fondant and gum paste flowers and decorations -- something I've never done before and should be able to do safely from home.

And then there's being read to. I could write a whole entry on this (and still might). As kids my dad would read stories to us going to bed. I was a very good sleeper and would fall asleep by the second paragraph. Dad asked if he could read his favourite  story to me again -- Narnia: the Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe. So together we are each day. Me, lying in my hospital bed in our home's office and him slightly reclining, in the office chair beside my bed. This time I fight to stay awake.

It has been a good day today.

This is my arm today. I've got purple spotted leopard print bruising on my arms, thighs, ankles & feet. Gotta love the effects of medications -- which ones (chemo, my steroids, etc.) I do not know but apparently it's normal!

Although not this book, I finally got through "Are You My Mother?" successfully. It's interesting how the stories take on different meanings depending on what's going on in your life.

Priorities

I thought I had a week with only one appointment. That hasn't happened. I just want to breathe. I'm not suffocating, just treading water. But I'm thankful. I couldn't be doing this without help: the meals every evening, rides to appointments, babysitting, and just listening and praying for us.

I could continue on and on about people and how precious they are to me these days. My sister's graduating class got the news of a tragically unexpected death of a classmate this week. She leaves behind a husband and three small children.

None of us know what today will bring. As I've been given time to prepare for my death, I want to try to use it wisely. Although I'll need time with God, my family and to rest, I'll also want to spend time with you. Please be patient with me as I figure these priorities out.

Every moment of life and time are precious. Grow & invest as much as possible.

Reading in my hospital bed at home