No Room At the Inn

My Monday Morning

After dropping off my grumpy, overtired boy at a friend's home, I head off to the hospital for my morning bloodwork and doctor's appointment.

I receive mixed news.

My neutrophils are high enough to get chemo but not high enough to get my usual dose. I'll need to get some repeat bloodwork tomorrow before chemo.

My CT results aren't in yet... so no news there.

My last bloodwork shows that my tumour markers have gone down considerably (less tumour markers = less cancer). So that is good news.

I ask about my chemo time for tomorrow and am told they can't give it to me yet. This confuses me as I've usually been given chemo times days in advance. I ask a few more questions and find out that they are fully booked for tomorrow and I'm on the waiting list.

I didn't know that such a thing exists. However I know that I really want to get chemo tomorrow. 

After the initial surprise/shock of being on a wait list for chemo, I realize that for me to get an appointment time someone else's chemo will need to be delayed or cancelled. That bothers me as well... as someone else's plans for Christmas will have to be changed.

I tear up on my drive home knowing that it is all beyond my control. I don't know when or if I'll get chemo tomorrow. I don't know when or if or how to arrange for a babysitter for Matias. Selfishly I want chemo. And there's nothing I can do but ask and wait.

It reminds me that there was no room at the inn in Bethlehem. Even with the best of plans in difficult circumstances, so many things are out of our control and all that we can do is ask for Him to provide.

Later Today

When we get home my boy chooses a nap over eating lunch. I'm able to share my mixed news with my sister & a friend. I'm glad to have others on this journey with me.

A little later while talking with my friend, the phone rings and I'm given an appointment time! Not only does that mean I'll be getting chemo tomorrow but I also won't be needing to find a babysitter as Xhevat will be done work!

No room at the inn? It's not a problem for Him. He will find the perfect room. Tonight I'm thankful for the stable.

A Haitian Nativity Scene made of clay and coconut

(photo courtesy of Lemuel Ministries in Haiti http://lemuelministries.blogspot.ca)