Hurry Up To Wait

Hurry up to wait.

When I've been on chemo, I've been eager to be done with it. Now that I'm not on chemo, I can hear the clock ticking but I don't know when the alarm will go off. It's the anticipation of when plans will change again and I'll have to restart chemo.

For now I've been going to appointments (only 2 this week and 2 next week) and just living life. It was great to simply get together with friends and go to church this weekend. Although I still tire more easily, I feel good and have more energy.

What's next in my life? A little vacation & then surgery.

Last year many things were delayed or cancelled because of my appointments, procedures & tests. This year (as much as possible), I want to schedule my appointments around my life. I want to travel a bit. A little getaway before surgery, Kosova for my sister-in-law's wedding, a family reunion in the summer... and who knows, maybe even a trip to see a dear missionary friend.

A lesson that I'm learning is to live in the present. I can waste my time dreaming up an amazing future and live so much in the future that I have none of my dreams become a reality today. I can also live in fear of the future and what may come and become paralyzed in the present. I can just as equally be suffocated by my past successes and failures.

I want to work through whatever the future will bring as it comes into my life. I will work toward healing the hurts of my past and celebrating where I've come from. I will also continue to dream (although my dreams may be for next month rather than in 10 years).

And yet I still end up at today. 

Today, I'm alive & living fully. And although I'm waiting and preparing for things to come, I want to remain fully present & engaged in my relationships and the events of today.

As you're reminded of it, would you please pray for me and my family in our present needs? With surgery, travel, and doctors' appointments, we have a lot going on. Health and speedy recoveries. Safety on roads and flights. Accepting good or bad or mixed news from doctors. And living intentionally and purposefully in the present.