It's been a busy couple of weeks here. We enjoyed five days with my family at Sun Peaks. Because it was often rainy during our time there, we had lots of time to play board games, talk, go on walks (silly family... I did not do that), hot tub in the rain and just be together. On our last day we took the ski lift up to the top of the hill and had a picnic (only a little rain that day). We wanted to get a little walk in and hiked part of the way up the ski hill. I was definitely out of breath but I did it! That was definitely my favourite non-family part of the trip -- being able to accomplish something physically when my body isn't as strong as it was. The favourite family memory was playing board games in the evening with everyone from grandpa to my youngest niece (Matias tried to play but we usually wanted him to be in bed to play with less distractions).
Peaking out the back of the stroller and yet he somehow is still strapped in... I really love this kid!
Playing in a stream while on our hike
The day after we got home from Sun Peaks, we had five guests arrive from California -- my former roommate from university, her husband, son & parents! It was so much fun to see them and hang out. We even got to reminisce with another dorm mate from university! Who would have thought that sixteen years later we'd be pushing strollers beside each other with our boys.
These last two weeks have been a wonderful break from my cancer world. Every once in a while though, I had an appointment where I had to list my side effects & discuss treatment options. It's then that I'm pulled back into the reality of my situation. I have cancer.
I make plans for the future not knowing if I'll be alive to enjoy them. I have friends and family who come and visit and I don't know if I'm saying goodbye or see you later. I go shopping and don't know whether I should buy some things or not based on my life expectancy (I'm still working on the same bottle of shampoo that I started when my hair was first coming in last August).
All of these thoughts and emotions get jumbled up inside me and so when my boy puts his hand on the top of my head and says "hair," I start to cry.
I don't know where this blog entry is going. I think I've had such a busy and wonderful time with family and friends that my brain is starting to process things again. Will I see them again? Will we go on another trip with them again? What size of clothes fit my body this week? Should I buy more of a certain item? Do I really need it? How much more chemo & radiation am I going to get? The questions are never ending.
I still have hope and pray for complete healing and I trust whatever He chooses. I'm just struggling with the here and now of today.
And yet I saw you at Costco, which is full of "should I buy this much ketchup?" even for an average person without cancer.
ReplyDeleteJack and I love you
Robyn