It's an odd feeling to want and even crave chemo. Last week my neutrophils were too low to receive chemo. This week they were still on the low side and I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to start my fourth cycle of chemo today.
Getting your results early can be both a blessing and a trial. Last week I got my CT results the day before my appointment. The CT results were mostly very good news (but also added a few questions to my list). I slept fine the night before my appointment and was totally at peace (and even a little excited) going into my doctor's office.
Yesterday evening I got my blood results online. My neutrophils had not come up very much... and my mind started to whirl. What was protocol for this chemo? Could I get chemo with that number of neutrophils? Could I repeat bloodwork today and maybe they'd come up enough? Is there anything I can do to try and get my neuts up this next week? Would my doctor suggest waiting another week or would he take me off chemo completely and that would be the end of this round?
So many questions. And no answers.
And all that you can do at night when the lights go off and you're supposed to be lying still and your brain is jumping from one thought to another is worry. Let's just say that I'm glad to have had a sleeping pill and an app that helps put me to sleep.
I wake up this morning to happy toddler sounds. My mind starts to wander and I try to reel it back in. I thought I'd busy myself by finding some videos to put on a USB for Matias to watch. On that USB I found the video I'd made earlier this summer about my bracelet and all those that are praying and caring for me. After watching that video (almost in tears), I was watching some clips from Veggie Tales (for Matias, of course). The two ones that stuck out to me were "The Thankfulness Song" and "Hope's Song."
I was still anxiously about the call from the Cancer Agency but felt more peace from Him and trust in Him while waiting. A few hours later the phone rang. My neutrophils were low (that was old news to me) and so I'd be receiving chemo at a reduced dose. Fantastic! I get chemo today! I'll be their most grateful chemo patient!
I've had a really good week... just was surprised by my bloodwork results. I'll share more about my wonderful week a little later. Today I'm very grateful for my chemo and for my doctor and his knowledge of what is best for me. More importantly than my doctor, I'm thankful that God knows what is best for more than just my cancer and He is in control of everything... even my neutrophils!
P.S. Had a chance to visit Children's ICU today (where I last worked before maternity leave). It was great seeing so many faces that I hadn't seen in months or maybe years. Everyone was so welcoming and caring. It's hard to believe that it's been two years since working there. I miss you (and even work some days).
What I Have Survived Since Feb 12, 2013
(in 196 Appointments)
IVs (successful) x 71
Bloodwork (successful) x 77
IVs or Bloodwork (unsuccessful) x 11
Biopsies x 13 (I think)
Chemo x 14 cycles including:
IV Chemo x 29 doses
Oral Chemo x 308 pills
Bone strengthening infusions x 19
Injections x 9
Brain radiation x 5
Other radiation x 2
Tattoos x 6
MRI x 2
CT x 12
Ultrasound x 3
Xray x 7
ECHO x 1
Surgery x 2
Minor surgery x 1
Days in hospital x 9
Parking Ticket x one given incorrectly & almost another one
Bottoms Up! Yay!
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