Weightlifting & A Turkey

If you've seen my high school yearbook, I jokingly said that I was going to become an Olympic weight lifter. And this was because in Gym class I could barely bench press the bar alone (with no additional weights). That's how "strong" I was then.

Oh I wish I had those muscles now.

My brain and muscles lack confidence, coordination, motivation and strength (and they still do). I'd have to give myself pep talks to get up off the floor or couch. One time when entering the house, the step was a little taller than I could handle and my knee, just like hydraulics losing power, gently gave out. I just sat there for a while until my mom came to check on me. I was fine (and it definitely wasn't a fall). I just sort of slowly was lowered to my knees.

Lack of muscle strength is frustrating and intriguing. I know that steroids have played a huge part in this. It could also be the "floaters" doing their thing, brain radiation, and/or disease process of cancer in my body. And again, this could be temporary or permanent or just part of this degenerative disease process. Our bodies are definitely complex and so intricately created!

Interestingly as well, my thigh muscles feel like they're not attached to my bone. A tenderly cooked turkey (complete with a gobbler chin) with the meat falling off the bone. That's what I feel like.

I want to regain my strength... even if it's only the bar.

Trying to regain strength