Four Kilometers

To try and encourage my anxious heart, my dad asked me yesterday if I'd walk 2 km with him today when I got the good news of my CT results.  With my hopeful feistiness, my response was that I'd walk 4 km if I got good news.

So I went into my appointment with my list of symptoms/side effects and a bunch of questions... some of which were dependent upon my CT results.  My sister came in from Kelowna (about a 4 hr drive) to be with me.  She has been an amazing support both as a sister and with her medical knowledge. She was there with Xhevat and me at my first oncologist's appointment and has been beside me through many rough moments.  We'd talked about the questions I should ask for three scenarios: if my cancer had spread, stayed the same, or decreased. I've been scared about this appointment and needed her by side. I didn't quite know what to hope for or expect from my CT results.

When my doctor entered the room, we didn't have to wait long or ask any questions to get my news. "Improvement everywhere," were the first words out of his mouth. The rest of the appointment was really just a formality after that news. My largest liver lesion is half the size. Another liver lesion is two thirds of the size.  I still have too many lesions to count... but they're smaller! My lymph nodes are back to normal size. My bones are healing. There's no cancer in my brain and nothing in my lungs. As for the cancer in the remainder of body, there is "nothing new or worse."

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord for all He's done! (This is what I sort of sang -- complete with kids' song's hand motions -- as I changed into the blue hospital gown).

I couldn't ask for better news. Chemo and my cancer are getting along just as I'd like... my cancer is trying to divide and multiply and each time it tries, my chemo is killing off more cells. I appreciate all of the medicine behind it but I recognize that I am ultimately in the care of my Great Physician. He loves me and cares for me... through good and bad. My doctor's desire is to get my cancer to a place where we can stop it from growing and we continue to beat it back when it tries to rear its ugly head.  I want this too.  My Great Physician's desire is to have my heart and my eyes focused on Him and to live out His hope in my life. More than my desire to be physically healthy, I desperately want this.

For this (whether cancer or good CT results or just daily living), we have Jesus.


P.S. I must keep this short cause I've got 4 km of thankfulness to walk off today... and I'm going to do this with my dad.