I just have to say that I have a great support group who rallies around me, encourages me, prays for me and is willing to act to get me the best care available. Thank you. It is an honour to be carried by you.
I also want to clarify yesterday's post as I wasn't as clear as I should have been. Below is my convoluted thought process.
I have really good or great relationships with most of my doctors since diagnosis. And the ones that I can't say that about, I simply haven't gotten to know them well enough yet. I may have met them only once or twice and just haven't developed that kind of relationship.
I have approached my relationship with my healthcare professionals as both a patient and a nurse. I am a patient first but I have some knowledge from my background as a nurse. This might mean that I ask different questions or that I prefer answers as they would answer a colleague. Having said that, coming into my cancer diagnosis I have had only a little experience as a patient, very little experience in terms of adult medicine, and even less experience in dealing with cancer.
Medically, I have been given very generous care (both in terms of my options for treatment and in what it has cost the system financially). I believe that when my doctors have said "no" or "not right now" that those answers were with my best interest in mind... even if I didn't like their answer at the time. I also believe that as a patient/nurse, I am able to ask those same or different questions to advocate for myself (even if the answer will remain the same). And I'm ok with the fact that there may be times when our opinions may differ.
I think that because I can speak with my doctors in an open and honest way that they will occasionally ask me questions that might otherwise come off as offensive... such as the question that was recently asked of me about cost vs. benefit. To give more context to his question, it was with regards to my breast reconstruction and how they get approval for funding to do surgeries such as mine. Another example was asked by another doctor just after my mastectomies. It was something to the effect of asking if I was content with my decision around my mastectomies even though I needed to restart chemo so quickly afterward. Again I answered yes. I really appreciate and respect the fact that my healthcare team and I are able to have these kind of conversations.
As a human being and child of God, I know and do not question my worth (and neither do I believe that anyone else is questioning that).
In terms of my health, it is always important to consider the cost vs. benefit (or risk vs. reward). For example, my last surgery. Some of the potential costs/risks include: surgery itself (anaesthetic, bleeding, blood clots, infection, etc.), menopause side effects (hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, etc.), inability to have more children, lifting restrictions post-op, time to recover, etc. And then there are the potential benefits/rewards: less hormones (less food for my cancer), future cancer (less ability to develop a new cancer which is related to my breast cancer), less cancer (at the beginning of all of this I had breast cancer metastases on my ovaries... by getting rid of my ovaries, I got rid of some more cancer), etc. For my situation, I felt that the potential benefits clearly outweighed the cost of having the surgery.
We live in a time where there are many people wanting or needing access to healthcare. This may be because people are living longer, are living less healthy lives, are living with diseases longer or many other reasons. No matter what the reason, it costs a lot financially.
Healthcare professionals need to make wise decisions about the way they spend their time and resources. And I applaud them for doing that. I want resources to be available for me or others when needed and not simply frivolously wasted on unnecessary procedures or treatments. I believe my healthcare team is doing this to the best of their abilities (even if I don't like their answers at times).
More than likely there will come a day when the "cost" of treatment will outweigh the "benefit" of treatment for me. When that time comes, I hope my heart will be at peace and I will get to enjoy those that are dearest to me.
I am reminded that it is not about how long I live, but who is living in me and how I live for Him.
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