How Are You?

How are you?

It's a relatively innocent question. Some just ask out of habit or being polite. Others don't know what to say and so this seems like a safe question. Many people truly want to hear the answer. 

It can actually be a really hard question to answer.

How am I? What do you mean? How am I emotionally, physically, spiritually? Are you asking about how I'm recovering from my last surgery? Or how I'm dealing with menopause & tissue expansions? Or the constant pressure that I feel in my liver? Or about the uncertainty if my cancer is growing again?

Or are you asking about me as a mom and how I'm dealing with an energetic 19 month old who doesn't like to sleep and is an agile (and currently unsafe) climber? Or how I'm learning to cope with saying the same thing over and over? Or if I'm ever bored of trains, Mega Bloks, or farm animals?

Are you wanting to know how I'm dealing with my palliative cancer diagnosis? Or with the news that I'm getting too often of others' cancer diagnoses or deaths?

I've chosen to be fairly open about my journey this last year but I also have areas that are too private to share publicly. And while I appreciate the concern and care when I'm asked how I'm doing, my full answer can leave me feeling extremely vulnerable. If I'm trying to answer the question authentically, it's a really difficult and personal question to answer. And it's usually too much to get into in passing... so most of the time I answer that I'm fine or tired.

{If I run into you this week and you ask me how I am:

1. Please don't be offended if I answer fine or tired. It just might not be the time or place to get into a deeper answer.

2. Add the word(s) "today" or "this week" to your question (i.e. How are you today?). I find it much easier to answer this question. It helps me to narrow down my answer and not be as overwhelmed.}

Enjoying the warmer weather