I'm losing my hair again.
At first it feels a little itchy like you've worn a hat for too long or you haven't showered in a few too many days. A few strands start to fall out. Then come the incessant pins and needles... which means I'll be shaving my head in the near future. The pins and needles feeling can be downright painful and irritating each time a strand of hair moves. Shaving simply reduces the number of opportunities hair has to move (and makes me feel that I have some sort of control in this crazy process). Then comes the pillow full of hair and, undoubtedly, more tears.
Although I've been through this process before (all too recently I might add), this is still very emotional for me. I was hoping to have my curls back for Christmas. I know that won't be the case. Having no hair makes me look and feel like I'm sick and I don't like looking "sick."
And then there's the thought of this week's chemo. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I've had a lot more nausea and vomiting with this kind of chemo. My appetite hasn't been the greatest. I've lost more weight than I'd like these last few weeks. Sleep has been hard to get and I've been feeling more anxious lately.
The three of us (and our Beast) have spent a little time outside this past week. It's been nice to have a change of scenery but some days it's tiring simply thinking of going out. I don't want to imagine what my days would be like if I didn't have my little bundle of energy keeping me going. He is generally always on the move but lately has been spending part of his day snuggled up in my arms or sitting next to me on the couch. Although he has required a bunch of my energy, I cannot imagine going through my days without him. He's also been a little feverish lately so we've been keeping a closer eye on him and have lost some sleep because of it.
Last night we had a dear friend arrive; she'll be spending the week with us. I can guarantee this week will be filled with laughter, tears, a lot of prayer, some great conversations... and foot rubs/reflexology!
Monday morning will be bloodwork and a doctor's appointment. If my bloodwork is ok, Tuesday will bring another dose of chemo. If my side effects are similar to last time, the following week (or two) will be filled with nausea and vomiting.
Ugh (to chemo's side effects) and blessed to spend a week with my dear friend.
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