Readjusting

I've finished my eighth appointment of the week -- four appointments with specialists, four tests/procedures. I don't really want to think about how much we've paid in parking. Friday's last appointment ended with Matias making a ruckus in the waiting room of the Cancer Agency and entertaining many who walked by. He even got to meet the therapy dog again and was all smiles!

I saw some of my chemo nurses and they asked how I was doing. With tears in my eyes, I shared my events of the week and that pending the results of my CT, my oncologist has tentatively booked me in for chemo starting on Tuesday.

These are some of the things that I'm grieving: no hair for Christmas, gonna lose my eyebrows & eyelashes again (although I am looking forward to not having to shave armpits & legs soon), weekly bloodwork & chemo appointments, who knows what will happen with my finger nails, gonna have to push our family trip to Kosova back a little, delay in the completion of my reconstruction, etc.

This is a setback. My response to my last chemo was unusually positive and my response to my oral medications after chemo were unusually negative. And so we continue not knowing what my response will be next... probably new chemo, new side effects, new everything.

This news has hit me really hard. It has been good to have family here as a help & distraction. Helping with math homework is sort of refreshing when thinking of the big picture. Only one more appointment & a phone call with another doctor before chemo. I hope to also get my last drain removed on Monday... and then I will very happily be able to take a shower! It's been too long.

Unpacking my chemo bin.