My Chemo Brain (and its rabbit trails)

Tuesday was one of those days for my toddler...

My boy woke up a little earlier than normal and was unusually unhappy throughout the morning. Things just weren't going right for him (and therefore me too). The books didn't play right. The stacking cyclinders were falling when they weren't supposed to. The wall didn't move when he ran into it. The colouring pencils poked him... and the clip board that he was colouring upon misbehaved and therefore got the brunt of his frustrations. 

We tried listening to music and making animal noises, counting fingers and building with blocks. Food and milk were intentionally getting spat upon the floor (much to my child's amusement & dog's delight) and then my boy would play in the leftover saliva from where my dog had eaten the food (mama put a stop to that form of entertainment). Even cartoons on TV weren't able to capture his attention!

So I gave up. I took a couple minutes to escape to the bathroom (while my boy pounded on the door and wailed) and regrouped.

We eventually made it to nap time & after my husband came home I was able to escape out of the house for a quick grocery trip. Our boy's evening was a little better & a friend (not knowing the kind of day we had) brought us over a hot meal.

You might think the story ends with us going to bed and everything ending well... that would have been nice.

A cranky, crying boy woke us up several times through the night (As a side note, since Christmas holidays our boy has chosen his daddy to be his sole consoler. He refused to be comforted by grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins... and even his mama... which means that when he's hurt, distraught, upset, etc. I can't do anything to be helpful to the situation. Yup, this is exactly how to make this mama feel worse when she's already down.). It took a while but Xhevat was able to calm him. However, our boy refused to sleep. After another half hour of being awake, he let me cuddle him and eventually fell asleep in my arms... but woke up when I tried to put him back into his crib. And so at 4:30am, he was merrily running around & playing in our bedroom!

As I needed the car for my morning appointment, Matias and I drove Xhevat to work. Exhausted (me, not Matias), I put him back in his crib wide awake. I have no clue how long it took but eventually he fell asleep.

I too went to back to bed... and just to satisfy my brain's itching (and to figure out when I should set my alarm), I checked my calendar to find out my appointment time. It was then I realized that I'd gotten the wrong day for my appointment! My appointment was on Thursday... not Wednesday and I hadn't needed to drive Xhevat to work!

With a tired, frustrated, and itch-satisfied brain, I got a few more hours of desperately needed sleep. I couldn't help but laugh at myself and my mistake. Silly chemo brain.

Our Wednesday was much like our Tuesday. Whether our boy is teething (he had three or four teeth come in over Christmas) or he's going through a growth spurt (he ate two yogurts for his bedtime snack) or he's just out of sorts (why not... I've had my down days lately as well), he's just not quite his normal happy self and needing a little more attention.

Fortunately we saw some sunlight today and all four of us (3 humans and our dog) went for a walk. We didn't go very far but the light and fresh air energized more than our bodies.

My heart feels like it's coming out of the fog and into the sunshine.

Thanks for walking with me and encouraging me through this week's fog. I can see the light.

When JR tries to scavenge Matias' meal leftovers, Matias pushes his way in and claims his territory (and food)

Since learning how to open doors, he's taken up residency in the pantry... here he has learned the sport of yam throwing (he has been able to launch it a few feet across the kitchen!)

A little footprint on my freshly washed floor... a reminder of what (or rather who) is important