No Chemo Tuesday

I was supposed to have my last dose of chemo today. But that's not happening. Yesterday, I got my bloodwork done and then went to see my doctor. My neutrophils were critically low again (even lower than last time) and so the plan changed.

Instead of repeating bloodwork today or delaying chemo until next week, my doctor decided that I'm done... i.e. round two of chemo is over.

It definitely came as a surprise but I wasn't as shocked as when round one ended in August. There have been no tears (yet). The way I see it is the path I was on split and now I'm on a new path but still headed in the same direction.

With this round of chemo completed, I can now move forward with some plans. My hair can start growing. My finger nails will hopefully stop aching. I can plan some getaways. I can proceed with my next surgery. I can go to the dentist. I can start putting some dates to some of the things on my "To Do" list.

But this also means that the countdown to my next round of chemo has already begun. During my last break from chemo, I had just ten and a half weeks with surgery in the middle of it. I don't know how long to expect or hope for this time. It isn't anything that is under my or my doctor's control... and so I keep reminding myself that all that I can do is live each day fully and completely (and leave my next round of chemo on the back burner). 

I've started back on the oral medication that I was on in between chemo last time and will be adding a new medication next week. The hope is that these medications will stop my body from creating the food for my cancer cells. While I'd prefer none, I'm ok with a stable amount of cancer cells in me.

Like always, I have mixed emotions. I'm happy about being off chemo & thrilled at the thought of regaining an immune system. I'm looking forward to doing some things I couldn't (or would have been much more difficult) while on chemo. I'll be so happy to not have as many pokes and IVs. Less time in appointments means more time with my family. At the same time, I'm nervous/afraid/a little anxious as to how long it will be until my cancer starts growing again. It's sort of like waiting for the bottom to drop out. It could be weeks, months or years. It's hard to put into words the feeling of expecting/anticipating round three of chemo but not wanting that expectation to control my today. It will be a choice I will have to make daily.

What I Have Survived Since Feb 12

(in 118 Appointments)

IVs (successful) x 55

Bloodwork (successful) x 60

IVs or Bloodwork (unsuccessful) x 10

Biopsies x 13 (I think)

Chemo x 29

Bone strengthening infusion x 12

MRI x 1

CT x 6

Ultrasound x 3

Xray x 5

ECHO x 1

Surgery x 1

Parking Ticket x almost one