Third time

It's that time again. My scalp is getting tingly & tight. It's itchy. My hair feels like it's been in a pony tail for too long. Rubbing/scratching/massaging my head brings comfort and pain. I don't know how long my follicles will hold onto the shafts of hair.

This is my third time losing my hair in the last 14 months. 

I miss my long curls... and I'm going to miss my short curls.

Without sounding horribly vain, I really like my hair.

And I'm going to lose it again shortly. I haven't decided if I'll shave it again or if it's short enough that it won't be a problem. I tried to wet it down in the bathroom while I was out for lunch today and ended up with a hand full of my own curls.

This is simply a side effect of my whole brain radiation and a part of my treatment. Although losing my hair makes me look and feel "sicker," I know it will grow back. However it might take longer to grow back after whole brain radiation. And right now I'm sad to be losing my hair

This is just another day on my journey & I'm giving myself the time and space to grieve this loss.

I'm not all doom & gloom & Eeyore. This week I've had some wonderful chats with friends, my very first pedicure, pictures & notes from my colleagues in the PICU, a date night with my husband, booked tickets to visit Kosova (we're going next week!), family playtime in the backyard. It's been a full week so far. My emotions are all over the place and I'd really like it if I could be nice to sleep through the night... but it's 3am now and sleep is not with me.

For now, I'm needing to learn to rest/surrender/relax into the pain & discomfort of the situation.

My very first pedicure ever! Special memories with a dear friend.

Love (and socks) sent by my friends from work... happy nurses' week!