I really have mixed feelings about Fridays because for me it means I get chemo. It feels strange & slightly twisted to want something so badly that you know is toxic.
A week ago during my second treatment I had a slight allergic reaction to it. My reaction itself was not concerning to me. I simply flushed red & felt my heart throbbing. The nurses immediately stopped my chemo and took my vitals. All was over in a matter of seconds to minutes.
However, sitting there knowing that my chemo was stopped was a horrible feeling. More than once I looked up at the bag of chemo on the IV pole and prayed. I prayed for the battle going on inside my body even with the slightest hint of chemo in me. I prayed that the rest of the infusion would be uneventful. I prayed that there would be no delay in treatment because of any further reactions. What I cared about was getting that toxic substance running into my veins so that my cancer cells would die. I liked what chemo was doing and wanted it in my body and not in the IV bag.
Every week before chemo I'm given some medications to try to prevent a reaction. So yesterday I got double the dose of Benadryl to try & prevent another reaction from happening. I had myself a good doze both during & after treatment and my chemo infusion was completely uneventful.
One doesn't usually hope and pray for cell death (or rather something about the stabilization of the microtubules and apoptosis according to my sister) but today this is my desire.
Other than my slight reaction, my body has liked chemo. My irritated liver has improved yet again this week as shown by my bloodwork and decrease in size. I have more energy and less pain than I've had at least for the last month. Other than pain from a fragile spine & some weakening muscles (oh yeah... and the cancer throughout my body), I feel fairly decent and my side effects from chemo haven't been too bad yet.
My sister, in an update she sent out earlier this week, reminded me of something very important. Knowing that I have thousands of people praying for me and my family, Nicole said that she was hesitant to give chemotherapy all the credit for my improvements. "I honestly don't know how much of the improvement is due to prayer versus medication."
So Fridays I am thankful for my Great Physician, chemo, and the prayers of thousands that are walking with me through this journey.
P.S. Below is a picture of me getting my chemo yesterday. It's just me attached to an IV sitting in a great big chair that reclines (and that may or may not be comfortable) for about 3 or 4 hours.