Big Decisions

Last week when asked if I wanted radiation, the answer seemed obvious. Of course I do. I'm not done yet. I don't think I'm at the point of saying I'm through with treatment. I feel too "good."

But then I was reminded of whole brain radiation and the potential side effects of having it done the second time. There are a lot of nasty things that could happen. As a matter of fact, it's about double the chance of them happening as I'm having it a second time -- a lot of things that could make life & celebrating Christmas very difficult.

Originally my radiation oncologist talked about starting radiation the week after Christmas -- to enjoy these days. Due to my symptom progression over this past week, we asked if I could start earlier. My medical oncologist suggested that I stop chemo in light of my upcoming radiation. Today, they'll start with my radiation planning (i.e. they take images & measurements of my head to program the machine to irradiate my whole brain). Monday I'll start actual radiation. We don't know if this is the best decision or timing but it's hard to feel my cancer slowly taking over my body while I simply wait to celebrate a day's event that can be celebrated any day!

Only time will tell if radiation will give me a better response or longer length of quality life. Or perhaps the symptoms & side effects will be worse and I'll wish I'd waited. As far as Christmas goes, I am celebrating no matter what or when. More than likely, Christmas will look a little different this year.

I'm nervous, unsure, and wanting to get on with things... and so I bake.

One of my coping strategies... baking.