Physically, I'm tired. It could be the cancer in my body, brain mets, steroids, narcotics, chemo or a two year old boy. I sometimes feel light headed or nauseated or a throbbing headache. Sometimes my right ankle loses sensation for a few minutes. There is almost always a little bit of a headache and ringing in my ears and my spine just isn't comfy. Having said that, I still managed to squeak in a 3-4 hr shopping trip on Thurs, have some guests over for dinner yesterday (with the help of my family), and go out for dinner with my husband today.
Emotionally, there's a lot going on. I know that stage IV cancer and death usually go together and have accepted that (although I do continually ask for a miracle). I'm trying to take the time I need and do the things that I can do to help prepare both my family and myself for my eventual death. That's just the way I am (practical, controlling, etc.).
Spiritually, I'm ok. I ask God "why me?" but I also say "why not me?" We're human beings who've messed up God's perfection. We deserve a lot worse than we have... so why not be thankful for today and for all that we have.
I hope this journey isn't about me or my cancer. I just want God to be made known. He has given me hope, love and joy and has promised me a good future. What more can I ask for?
Thank you for praying for me and us especially today. We feel it.
What I admire about you is not that you're alive but that you're truly living! You seem to find ways to love every day and that is inspiring! While you're living, we'll keep asking for a miracle.
ReplyDeleteI love your heart, your honesty and your faith. Praying for you...and sending lots of love.
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